So I had a Mammogram done today. My first one. Yeah it was nerve wrecking. Not so much the painful squishing of my boobs after having them manhandled by the technicians but it was the waiting. The many patients there and their stories. I was taken into a room where I was to change and put on a nice kimono style top with no bra or shirt on underneath. Then I sat in another waiting room with other women decked out in the same vomit pink smocks.
I conversated with one delightful woman with a thick German accent. She was very honest and very direct about everything she talked about and had absolutely no boundaries but I appreciated her for distracting me from slipping into a depression while I waited, thinking of the large banner they had there with the statistics in bold print "1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer"....ugh I know I KNOW...I just don't want to think of it.
ANyhow there were many other women waiting in the freeflowing boob smock waiting area. We all had a look of terror and sympathy for eachother. I tell you I have never seen so many women be so very nice to eachother. Its a shame when something as serious as death forces us to put our insecurities aside so we can enjoy eachother. I mean no body wants that kind of kharma on them right? We gotta be civil to eachother. We all know what we are doing there. We all know we may be looking at the 1 in 8. And we may be looking at the one that will die before next year. OR we may be the ones dying.
The mammogram center is a humble place full of civility. If I had not been there for my own life I would have never known what awesome pool of human connection resides there. Though bittersweet. True compassion is indeed found there. The "playing field" , so to speak, is indeed leveled.
So as I waited, I hear a woman leaving saying "... and God bless me!" Then I could hear sobbing and then I heard the nurse say "Oh, are you ok?" and she said with a trembling voice "I just can't believe it is gone! I can't believe it!" So I had to look and she was thin and frail looking and the tears in her eyes matched mine at that point. I was crying. I put a magazine in my face just as quick as I could. Which now seems silly. I should have gotten up and congratulated her! Silly me.
But anyway, that voice, that joy that sound of all she had gone through and her finally being well... It is resounding within my soul today. I just can't remember what silly thing I was worried about before going there today?
And by the way, my boobies are cancer free! Yes I can make my plans and carry them out....for now. But I am aware of how fragile life is. Just how precious my time really is. Just how wonderful being on this planet is.
I think I will live for all of those that have lost their lives to cancer. I feel you today. I don't know why you were chosen and I was spared. I shall live for you and see, hear, taste and smell everything in a new way because of you.
I heard this on a documentary I was watching last week, in my efforts to seek out a good cancer treatment program, just in case, and I came across the
Gerson Therapy which, if I had gotten the bad news that I did have Cancer that I would fly to Tijuana and check myself in WAY before I would submit to chemo and radiation. I watched my grandfather go through it and everyone was upset when he said that he wouldn't do any more of it. I totally got why he did chose not to.
Back to my point, I watched 3 or 4 food and nutrition documentaries on Netflix that lead me to buying a juicer earlier this year. I juice faithfully and have lost 30+ pounds and got rid of my depression that always has seemed to loomed over me since I had my last child in 2004.
So last week, in my research of the Gerson Therapy I came across and watched the doc entitled "Dying to know" that shows the story behind Gerson Therapy and the many people that have proof that they were cured from cancer using whole and organic foods. And the point of the modern american medical community not using it. I found it very interesting how upset people get when talking about it. My personal experience leads me to believe that it is true, being that I found healing in just the simple juice regimen that I practice with a cheap juicer and the changes I have made to my diet.
At the end of this documentary were the most profound words that I have ever heard. I felt compelled to type them out for you. SO I leave you with them hoping that you are looking at life with a new, more positive perspective as well...
xoxo
Gigi
For each of us eventually whether we are ready or not, someday it
will come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours
or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten,
will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or owed.
Your grudges resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too your hopes, plans, ambitions, to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won't matter if you are beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.
So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought but what you built.
Not what you got but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success but your significance.
Not what you learned but what you taught.
What
will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice
that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew but how many will feel a lasting loss when you are gone.
What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in those that love you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered and by whom and for what.
A life lived that matters is not of circumstance but of choice.
- Steve Kroschel, from the film "Dying to Know"
