Thursday, February 18, 2010

remembering winter

After the Winter MUST come spring. Change. It comes eventually....

Today for the first time in months I could smell the heat in the air. Feel the warmth of the sun on my skin with no bitter cold chilling my bones.

Ah Spring. How could I have forgotten you?

Its days like this that seem perfectly suited for pondering. For mulling over emotions and what not.

What I am reminded of today is that not that long ago I was desperately trying to come out of a dark place in my life. A time where the feeling of sad felt more like home and I had a hard time leaving that home for whatever reason. I was at a point where I was verbally crying out for help and instead of getting help from others I somehow got other sad people to enter my world. And that is indeed dangerous. That old saying is very true- Misery does love company.

Or was it rather that those that hurt like I did and were sad like I was didn't know how to help?? Perhaps they intended good but simply could not make the invisible burden I carried any lighter. Perhaps, they too, wanted to unload some of their own invisible burden and I simply had no more ability to carry? Not so much malicious as it was bad timing....maybe....

I see budding blades of bright green grass sprouting amongst the yellow, dry and in all appearances- DEAD- grass.... I was dead once. On the inside. But like these blades of grass I wasn't really dead. Just waiting for that warmth to come through to re-ignite growth.

What changed?

Well, to be honest, I just decided it had to change. Without any word. I stopped crying for help and instead turned within. Using any and all artforms at hand to work within myself and let everyone and everything go. I left that sad place as my home. I let it go. In the very instant I did this, something interesting happened.

Everything I had prayed for while I was stuck on sad came to pass. REALLY!
For years I prayed for a physical home of my own that I can change at will. I got it. I had been praying for good friends that are not functioning out of insecurity and though I had to rid my life of those that are functioning from insecurity, I have that friend. Be she just passing through this time in my life or one of those friends that will be in the same nursing home as I am, she is wonderful and so healing. A true sister.

My children are all in good schools. I don't sit and question if I am educating them socially as well as academically. I prayed for that feeling of lack to be made whole. And it was.

I lost 12 lbs without working out.
I fell in love with my husband even deeper than I imagined I could.
I don't go into sugar low anymore.
I feel good without coffee in the morning.
I don't question my own ability anymore.
I love myself again.
I have something to give to the world again.

All this and more happened within a short period of just 4 months after mentally making the firm decision to just let go of every tortuous emotion I was hanging on to. Walking away from friends, family and other relationships at risk of facing the feeling of "being alone"....

I did it and I got everything I had ever asked for. God was listening. He was just waiting for me to finally be able to receive.

I feel so overwhelmingly blessed now. It is a reason to get up with a smile every single day. I love my life and am so glad I didn't give in to winter and stay in the sad places. I let in the sun and now everything that is naturally beautiful is blooming.

If you ever find yourself in "winter" remember spring must come. The light will find a way in. Eventually, when you are ready to let it in.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Puppy Love

Its a boy!

Meet my boy Chewbacca. Rescued 1-21-10. all 8 lbs of him was only 3 months old. My poodle terrier mystery mutt baby.

Our other dog, Ginger (also a papillion/chiahuahua mystery mutt rescued 4-15-09) seems thrilled. Ok maybe not so much in this picture, where she was pretty suspicious of my camera...
But Ginger and Chewy play together all day. It seems all her bad behavior like peeing in the house and crying all night is over now that she is not alone. You see all 4 of my kids are in school all day and Ginger was feeling lonely.
My husband wanted a boy dog that wasn't afraid of him. Most dogs dont like the "dominant aggressive alpha male energy" that my husband puts out (according to the Dog whisperer- LOL)
So after two or three weeks of playing with many hopefuls and visiting both city animal humane shelters repeatedly. We found Chewy and it was love at first sight!

For forty bucks we got a wonderful loving and CUTE new member of the family that has been neutered and has all his shots are completed and he is micro-chipped. AND we feel all good inside knowing we RESCUED him from certain death.

I encourage you to please rescue an animal if you can!!
My heart went out to all the other dogs that I didn't take home. I swear I would have taken 20 if I could have. There are some great dogs at the pound. Please don't forget about them!;-)

We feel complete here now. Everyone here has a sense of belonging and well-being lately.

Welcome home Chewy!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Giveaway spotted!

I spotted an awesome giveaway! I entered every way possible! You should too!
If you don't know the awesome folks at You Can Make then you should get to know that awesome site and check out their new site DIY Dish that now has VIDEOS on creating!!! I am so thrilled! I love these people!!!

Check out the first video! This is so smart! Why didnt I think of this??? Oh yeah I hate being on camera....shucks.... LOL Check this out:

Click here to see how to Enter to win!!!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Earlier, in this very blog, I went on a vast venting rant about my tragic choice in friends and .....
Yeah, that sucked.... I went on to describe how odd it was to stumble upon a normal person that seemed to totally get where I was coming from in the topic of "friends". Yeah I gushed about her I know! What can I say, my inner nerd was snorting in joy.

I am glad to update that much to my own relief my new friend is still my friend! In fact we get a long surprisingly well. She is laid back but not to the point where there is no point in hanging out, I just mean that she simply lets me be me and doesn't try to fit me neatly in a category so she feels better like so many people often try to do.

She and I have a lot more than that in common....but I know you don't have all day... LOL

I wish I could share an actual photo of her for you to see for yourself but in fact, last summer in 2009 I took a Suzi Blu art class and painted a "little red riding hood". I loved it so I thought I'd try to duplicate her on a smaller item. I chose a wooden box that was shaped like a book and was hinged and opened up to store secret treasures. So I painted her but she came out looking a bit older than the original and seemed like she had a certain look in her eye like SHE was waiting to attack the wolves.

Now that I have unpacked my little painting from our big move I noticed my painted "little red" bears a strong resemblance to my new friend!

At first I shook it off and said "NAH" but then my daughter walks in as I was looking at my painting and says "Hey Mom that looks just like B!" (I will call her "B" and not share her actual photo because I'd like to keep my friend LOL)

Its So WEIRD! I showed her and we are both not too shocked since we seem to get along like we have known each other for decades!

I am just so glad that I have been able to re-define friendship in my own life and find that I am attracting good ones in my life so fast. I like feeling that I have all healthy relationships that are beautifully balanced. Proof positive that my thinking has had to change before I can physically see the change in my life! I am challenging myself to see what else I can change for the good by changing it in my mind first.

I will let you know. I hope I inspired you today to THINK good with me!

Till next time!

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