Monday, March 22, 2010

love & beauty and pink toilets gone

Today is a wonderfully warm day in the great southwest. The air is finally warm, though snow is predicted as was last week where I found myself on one day wearing a tank top and flip flops, exposing my alarmingly pale feet to the rays of the sun then on the next morning I looked out my window as I usually do to see what kind of day it might be and was shocked to see 2 inches of snow.


Yeah, I like snow. but not on the first day of spring. That's just salt in the wound, ya know? We got lots of snow this winter so with the digging out of flip flops, one would hope that snow would be gone for the season. Alas, I am wrong. Mother nature is indeed bi-polar here. today 68 degrees tomorrow the same and wednesday will be 46 degrees and I don't doubt it!

Im taking a five minute break to rest my arm from hammering through drywall to create the opening to my future sewing nook. I love to sew. I am making costumes for my youngest daughters "alice in wonderland" birthday party in August.

The plan is to get her and the back yard all decked out for her special day. I haven't been feeling well so I am just working on less labor intensive things until my belly fully heals from passing wicked kidney stones. Damn those are not fun. Childbirth is easier because at least it ends in a few hours and you get a nice reward, a baby! Not days of soreness and infections and feeling like an old lady as I shuffle around the house.

Now I didnt let it stop me fully! I can't sit for the hours needed to sew but my husband and I finished the master shower:



Cool right? Before it was vomitous! I know! But AFTER is just wonderful. I am seeing what I imagined could be done with this house when we bought it! I love that!!!! Oh and rest assured the pink toilet was picked up by a very nice man the spoke in broken english "can I have toilet?" I was so very happy to let him have it! Saved me a trip to the dump and he seemed thrilled too! The old saying is true ya know. One mans trash.....

Anyhow, we got the cool low flow Kholer's in both bathrooms- yet another funny story with that one but I'll save that for another day.

Also, we managed to lay new tile on the floor. Hubby made the cuts and I put them in. It was a tiny 4ft by 4ft bathroom but it looks so lovely now that the grout has dried!

Next is to tile up the wall halfway- like a continuous back splash. I already purchased the rustic medicine cabinet and picked out the vanity. Turns out to be cheaper to buy something already made than to buy an actual antique and put in a vessel sink. I'm balling on a budget here!
Man I sometimes wish I could hit the lottery but not have the crap that goes along with it. Just so I could fill my home with all of the wonderful antiques I find. But I suppose that would be Hoarding after a while and then I'd be on T.V. for that and eventually the vultures would come to pick my bones clean, financially, that is.

Ok wait. what was I saying before I went off on this tangent?

ah forget it. Must have not been that important I guess.

Ok im off to smash things then fix them up better than before! yay! will show more later!



Thursday, March 18, 2010


I am grateful of many things.

And sometimes pain reminds you of what to be grateful for, that perhaps, you overlooked before.

The other morning I woke in the most unlovely panic. Pain starting at my side and within hours moved to where I think Is my bladder. Kidney stone?
Most likely.

Painful? indeed.

but contrary to popular belief I don't think it is at all bad as childbirth as you often hear.
Perhaps I have a smaller stone that is passing through or that I maybe have a higher threshold for pain or something but it is not at all like childbirth of which I did naturally twice. Quite not by choice. No. this pain is annoying and unpredictable at best. It makes me cry when I am tired and want to sleep and the throbbing from within wakes me up. But is basically a picnic under the stars compared to labor and delivery.

But in my gasping and praying loudly through tears I found for instance I am grateful that I'm not paralyzed or was ever blinded by some wretched accident..... Thankful I'm not allergic to my own tears like that girl on that episode ripleys believe it or not I caught the other day. Glad I am not really "lost in space" like Will Robinson was. I do have a strong fear of robots you know. Oh so I'm also very grateful that we, as human beings, don't have robots as predicted by the Jetsons or that we have flying cars and wear stupid jackets that automatically fit tosize like Back to the Future 2 which by the way was only set in the year 2015. Yes very thankful for these things indeed.

Oddly enough in my wrenching I found myself thinking of the most interesting things which lead to more deeper wounds that I had all but forgotten in the moment. Suddenly my mothers manic depression that confuses the crap out of me still to this day- isn't the worst thing to happen.
My adopted fathers lack of interest and communication and self deprecating behavior- suddenly is not the worst thing to happen.

Oh and Running for 30 minutes on the treadmill and doing it daily- a breeze. a joy even. I can't wait to do it again!

I'm alive. I'm well. IN pain but alive.

and for discovering these lovely thoughts I am grateful.

So I pushed myself today to get out of bed, as the pain has mostly subsided, meaning that I most likely passed the darn thing but my insides still feel swollen. I am keeping my mind in check so that I don't imagine the worst. The doctors are of no help. I went to my general practitioner "take these antibiotics and go see the gyno" I went to the gynecologist "take these other antibiotics and go home. No ultrasound. No worry. take these and DON'T call me in the morning.
Modern Medicine- HA! The quacks.
I threw them both away and am flushing my body with fluids and positive thoughts and relying on God. This has never failed me. I go to the doctor to shut everyone up but I always end up having to rely on the Almighty and positive thinking anyway.

Today I finished grouting tile in my brand new master shower! Yes I did!
I also covered the walls in my little master bath with cement board because we are going to cover the walls in the entire bathroom with tile! I've never been able to make my living space into my own dream but I am now. Pain or not. I am grateful that I can move and get out of bed and that creating anything and in any way takes the pain away. No drugs for me folks. Art is my cure. For everything!

I find myself going incognito on facebook lately. I just dont have the need for farmville anymore like I once did. again I am grateful. I find myself not logging on to the computer at all. I used to almost have withdrawals last year if I didn't habitually hit "refresh" all day! LOL

I am sewing too! Yes I am! I have big plans. I must contact a certain lovely bowmaker soon to see if she can conjure up some bow magic again. But this time will be more grand and more plucked from my own imagination than ever. I can't wait to see how it will turn out!

I am leisurely creating again. My world becomes more beautiful by the day.

And Again...... I am so very grateful.

What are you grateful for?
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