Friday, April 30, 2010

Working through...

I've been so busy in the studio lately! I'm working on original pieces and also working on finishing the studio! I was able to purchase some insulation with my own profits and my husband and I put in rolls of insulation in and rearranged a bit and I have a painting station set up and am getting some much needed work done.

I found a lovely client. Or rather she found me and has me blissfully busy creating art. I'm working on her custom pieces and new pieces are coming to mind that I can't wait to create. So I plan on spending hours and hours in the studio. My only interruption is the dropping off and picking up of children. Oh and my children seem to have all DRAMA for me lately.

Between my sons heartache after his first romance ended, my oldest daughters announcing liking a BOY! Then my third child having drama in school between her best friend and a new friend. Girls like to control other girls and its hard to explain that without it sounding so bad, but it is just that bad! My only saving grace is that she and my youngest daughter will be moving to a new school next year that is within walking distance of my home. She and I are both so looking forward to the fresh start! But that is the bitter part in that sweet fact- My baby, my kindergartner is having a hard time with the change. Here we are at the end of the year and she cries when we pass the new school, not wanting to go there already. My heart aches.

So here I am in between the rock and the hard place once again. I know moving my daughters will be the best thing. They will most likely find some settled friends that are a permanent part of the neighborhood and I want that for my babies. I didn't have that growing up so I spent the last few years trying to keep things stable by transferring all my kiddos to one school. Driving sometimes 20 minutes each way to get them to the constant thing until a time came that we could finally buy a home and settle down.

So I'm gonna go make some art. I have a few things in mind that might convey well through mixed media. I find that, in the time spent creating, I give myself the time to work things out mentally and then when it comes through on canvas, that is the moment I know I can handle things. I relax and somehow the piece comes alive. Like a dear friend that helped me through a rough patch. Or like what I'd imagine a loving father would be like, giving wise and loving advice about how to get through a tough situation that makes sense and is in my best interest.
I come to love my pieces because they do help me!

So ill try to come back soon. With some photos! But now I just have to work through some issues and hopefully I'll have something beautiful to show you and some sort of wonderful resolution to share!
Here's hoping!


Thursday, April 22, 2010

saying goodbye... again

Today is the day I am letting myself feel sad about a very sad thing to me.

My new and wonderful friend B is moving away. Its a new friendship and so far has been so fun and wonderful but it seems that she has more in common with me than I wanted. Like she seems to attract people that want to badly to control her and can't so they react very wrong. They set her new car on fire in front of her house in the middle of the night.

Yeah, I've had mine keyed and my tires slashed repeatedly by a friend that I had to let go of because she was destructive to my life. So I know what she is feeling now.

Sad, scared, paranoid- not sure who she can trust around her. Can't sleep wondering if they will take a more drastic step. She has two precious daughters that she fears for. So I know exactly what she is feeling and cannot blame her for wanting to move closer to family and start fresh and not let anyone from her past know where she is. Except me, because I get to help her move! Bittersweet.

So today I will sit and just let the sad out and work through it. And have some peace so I won't show it to my friend. The last thing she needs is me making her feel guilty about moving. After all she was a block away from me when her car was attacked and I couldn't help her. I had turned off my cell phone. I feel bad. But I have another friend that is going through issues that sometimes calls at one o'clock in the morning to tell me she thinks she will sell her sketches of her dogs on ebay. OK so you have issues. I'll just turn off my phone I figured. But that made things worse for my new friend. She felt alone in her time of need and she is moving a block away from her aunt and uncle that seem to parent her in place of her parents that are down state.

I get that! Man I wish I had that when I was going through some rough times. So I am glad for her that her family is so caring and together and love her so much they want her to be close. Sometimes people are born into a family that has more than enough to give and sometimes you are like me, born into a family that believes if they help you, you won't learn. They simply don't have much to give. Just criticism and judgment if you dare to let them know what you are thinking or feeling.

Tough love is indeed tough.

But all is not lost, just a quick 30 minute drive on the freeway and I can visit with my friend again! Its just hard because her daughters are also my daughters best friends. I feel their pain, not wanting to think of life without them. I know that the freeway drives are the last part in saying goodbye for good. I have said goodbye many times and know that the longer the distance the harder to bond. Eventually life will get busy. They will go to a new school and make new friends and though not intended, one day we will lose touch long enough that one day we will feel like strangers.

Ive done this enough times in my life that I can call it! I did go to 7 different elementary schools and moved about 16 times after that. So you get a feel for these things. The only thing you never get is how to not let it hurt anymore. I thought I might grow used to it but I haven't.

So now is the time I get used to being alone again. This time it isn't so bad. I went to the gym alone and I got the courage to go eat breakfast alone. I rather liked the quiet and time to just people watch and ponder things. Who knows? I may grow to love it! Artists are often loners aren't they?? LOL

Oh and I'm working on a lovely commissioned piece. Its near completion. All this alone time gave me time to work on it fully and I LOVE it!

But not today. today is the day I let the sad out.

Till the sadness subsides


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Photo love

I'm busy busy. I suppose, much like a buzz buzz....

Here are some photos I was playing with one night when I couldn't sleep. I am a amateur photographer and an amateur graphic artist and well...lets just say I'm also a photoshop enthusiast. I tend to take photos, download them into the computer and leave them for nights when I can't sleep but am afraid to mess up artwork in my groggy state.... so don't expect much...LOL

the following are two of my favorite things this spring. My almond tree in my new backyard and my baby boy puppy, now 6 months old, with a blossom stuck in his doggy beard. These are a few of my favorite things....

thousands more sit unedited...
someday ill get them all done and printed.

I must get going. We have a double birthday party here for my two April babies. Tomorrow I will have a 12 year old daughter and an 8 year old daughter! My mind likes to tell me that I have babies at home still but, much like sand slipping through my gripping hands, time is slipping away. They are growing, changing and becoming more beautiful. I'm excited though to see what great people they will be....

leaving you in a wistful mothering love until next time...


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Unbelievable Giveaway spotted!

Check this video out to see the NEW Cricut CAKE! OMGosh I so want this machine! Watch the new episode and learn how to enter to win one! You could win a Cricut Cake! I just entered and I hope I win though. Not you. ME MEMEMEMEMEEEEEEE....LOL

Just kidding,but if you win- can I borrow it a couple times a year? LOLOLOL

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