Monday, December 27, 2010

My beginning at the end...

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, or Happy Hanukkah or enjoyed the time off you should have gotten from work...:-)

I felt it necessary to come and try to update this poor neglected blog. I've not forgotten, I've just been ever so busy trying to keep up with the ever changing tide in my life.

I've been working on my mentor- Suzi Blu's- Goddess and the Poet class, that I purchased over one year ago (she gives you a series of videos to keep) and for some reason I COULD NOT get passed the drawing. I found myself totally intimidated by this class and froze up.

Well, today I am proud to say that my inner artist was ready to take it to a new level and thawed out my little frightened heart and OH MY GAWSH!
I am in LOVE with these "stylized portraits" as Suzi Calls them.

Here's what I've done so far:
This is what I've done today:

I think I shall call her Mother Mary.... or something else...don't know yet!

She is shabby and beautiful and a bit more realistic than the folk-artsy- petite dolls that I have been making.

This assignment has been immensely EMPOWERING. Suzi gets you exploring your inner "goddess" so to speak.... and well, though I am FAR from Catholic, I am seeing their version of Mary, mother of God, in a way that I understand all the symbolism that she carries.

She is Mother. She is strength. She is comfort. She has had to be brave. She has had to have Faith. She has suffered. She has lost. She IS love. She had the courage to be what God asked her to be. She is that loving embrace you want to go to when life is hard and the tears burn as she holds you and somehow transfers that peace to you, that peace that lets you know that everything is going to be alright and you feel it.....

yes. this work has brought me peace.

Also purchased almost a year ago and for whatever reason I couldn't work through it was Suz Blu's Petite Angels class and I have one nearly completed.

You can somewhat see the evolution here:

Isn't she calming? I think so anyway.

I think she shall be the angel of acceptance or the angel of embrace....she hasn't finished telling me what she wants to be about but we are coming along fine!

These representations of acceptance and embrace are a reflection of the end of this year for me.

Its been a fabulous year....though FULL of changes and some "inner growth" surprises.

I have a "teenage" daughter, though still only 12. She is "pushing my buttons" like never before!

Much like the Velociraptors (however you spell that) featured in the Jurassic Park film, she seems to spend the day checking her boundaries and seeing where she can slip one by me and go on the attack. Just lying through her teeth and treating my husband and I like we are so dumb and do nothing for her.
Oh man! she is just like ME or at least like I was when I was about 15!
And that, my friends, is the salt in the wound.

But some wonderful wise women I know have told me that this shall pass and my girl will come back to me and treat me as if I am the wisest women she will ever know. Its just gonna take her having some real life challenges before I get that kind of respect....*sigh*

Just like I did.

Again, I'm so sorry Mom:-)

Other than that stage of parenthood, I've been able to reconcile the fact that I won't be liked by everybody and that is okay.

I know this doesn't sound like much, but when I am disliked I do like to know why and if I don't know why someone is rude or cold to me it used to BOTHER me soooooo much!

But like all things you outgrow- I found myself not caring about family that gossips, or tries to purposely ignore me, almost going to a childish length. And to the crazy relative that I have that goes on cross country tours to gain more members of the "we hate Gigi club"....Hey, I hope it brings ya' the satisfaction you believe it will. And if it doesn't....well I don't wanna know about it. LOL I just know I didn't cause this. I recognize the insecurity and leave it at that. Their insecurity not mine.

I don't know when, or exactly how I did it (other than working through my Art) but I DID IT! I was able to separate myself from other peoples issues, including those I love which has been the most difficult. But I find that I can still love them, though they have issues and deep insecurities, and want me to have them too. Love can be unconditional if you let go of your own insecurities and just keep on being happy. It's a choice that comes naturally only with a hell-load of practice!

So yeah,

Its been an indescribably healing, learning, growing and loving year.

And on this note I hope that whatever it is that keeps hindering you, that you may find a way to work through it and outgrow the suffering it may have put you through. I wish you happiness in the coming year. May we sit together next year with even less insecurities than we had this year and with even more joy to spread!

God Bless!

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