Tuesday, October 11, 2011

And the sky is so much more blue....

 So I had a Mammogram done today. My first one. Yeah it was nerve wrecking. Not so much the painful squishing of my boobs after having them manhandled by the technicians but it was the waiting. The many patients there and their stories. I was taken into a room where I was to change and put on a nice kimono style top with no bra or shirt on underneath. Then I sat in another waiting room with other women decked out in the same vomit pink smocks.
 I conversated with one delightful woman with a thick German accent. She was very honest and very direct about everything she talked about and had absolutely no boundaries but I appreciated her for distracting me from slipping into a depression while I waited, thinking of the large banner they had there with the statistics in bold print "1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer"....ugh I know I KNOW...I just don't want to think of it.
 ANyhow there were many other women waiting in the freeflowing boob smock waiting area. We all had a look of terror and sympathy for eachother. I tell you I have never seen so many women be so very nice to eachother. Its a shame when something as serious as death forces us to put our insecurities aside so we can enjoy eachother. I mean no body wants that kind of kharma on them right? We gotta be civil to eachother. We all know what we are doing there. We all know we may be looking at the 1 in 8. And we may be looking at the one that will die before next year. OR we may be the ones dying.

The mammogram center is a humble place full of civility. If I had not been there for my own life I would have never known what awesome pool of human connection resides there. Though bittersweet. True compassion is indeed found there. The "playing field" , so to speak, is indeed leveled.

So as I waited, I hear a woman leaving saying "... and God bless me!" Then I could hear sobbing and then I heard the nurse say "Oh, are you ok?" and she said with a trembling voice "I just can't believe it is gone! I can't believe it!" So I had to look and she was thin and frail looking and the tears in her eyes matched mine at that point. I was crying. I put a magazine in my face just as quick as I could. Which now seems silly. I should have gotten up and congratulated her! Silly me.
But anyway, that voice, that joy that sound of all she had gone through and her finally being well... It is resounding within my soul today. I just can't remember what silly thing I was worried about before going there today?

And by the way, my boobies are cancer free! Yes I can make my plans and carry them out....for now. But I am aware of how fragile life is. Just how precious my time really is. Just how wonderful being on this planet is.
 I think I will live for all of those that have lost their lives to cancer. I feel you today. I don't know why you were chosen and I was spared. I shall live for you and see, hear, taste and smell everything in a new way because of you.

I heard this on a documentary I was watching last week, in my efforts to seek out a good cancer treatment program, just in case, and I came across the Gerson Therapy which, if I had gotten the bad news that I did have Cancer that I would fly to Tijuana and check myself in WAY before I would submit to chemo and radiation. I watched my grandfather go through it and everyone was upset when he said that he wouldn't do any more of it. I totally got why he did chose not to.

Back to my point, I watched 3 or 4 food and nutrition documentaries on Netflix that lead me to buying a juicer earlier this year. I juice faithfully and have lost 30+ pounds and got rid of my depression that always has seemed to loomed over me since I had my last child in 2004.

So last week, in my research of the Gerson Therapy I came across and watched the doc entitled "Dying to know" that shows the story behind Gerson Therapy and the many people that have proof that they were cured from cancer using whole and organic foods. And the point of the modern american medical community not using it. I found it very interesting how upset people get when talking about it. My personal experience leads me to believe that it is true, being that I found healing in just the simple juice regimen that I practice with a cheap juicer and the changes I have made to my diet.

 At the end of this documentary were the most profound words that I have ever heard. I felt compelled to type them out for you.  SO I leave you with them hoping that you are looking at life with a new, more positive perspective as well...

For each of us eventually whether we are ready or not, someday it will come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
 Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or owed.
Your grudges resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too your hopes, plans, ambitions, to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won't matter if you are beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter?

How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built.
Not what you got but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success but your significance.
Not what you learned but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew but how many will feel a lasting loss when you are gone.
What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in those that love you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered and by whom and for what.
A life lived that matters is not of circumstance but of choice.

- Steve Kroschel, from the film "Dying to Know"

Friday, October 7, 2011

A moment of clarity

 Sorry I have neglected this wonderful blog again for a very long time. I wanted to write but the timing wasn't right and the words would get lost along the way...

 Earlier this week I got the most interesting news that could go either way...a little funny lump in my breast made itself known and then they gave me 6 days of waiting before the mammogram appointment....which probably means more waiting until I know what the lump is saying exactly....am I fine but just more lumpy than normal? Am I in for a fight? or am I facing the actuality of death?

The wait is so long....

Literally a million things run through my mind as I weigh each possibility. Then I think of how this new would effect others, especially those I love and I break down.

I can't help it. I have very few that I have been able to really love and care for in my life, meaning that I could trust them and their love, and to feel that even though it wasn't my choice to be sick, to know that something I have would cause pain to them....well its quite upsetting to say the least.

I mean I know I am strong, I have faith and positivity that would certainly carry me through a fight with cancer. I feel that. But I am also aware that WE ALL DIE. It comes to us all and when its time to go...well its just time to go and there is nothing you can do about it.

So here we are with another epiphany....love and trust.

They go hand in hand. I have a large family full of beautiful personalities and immense love. But it is a love that I have grown not to trust. You see there are moments when these people open up and are so loving and supportive and just as strongly they can become quiet and coy and leave you wondering what horrible act you have committed to cause such cold and hateful behavior. Of which you will never know because NO ONE will tell you. They judge and gossip and talk amongst themselves and never talk about it with the person of whom they are condemning!!! I know this because I have been on the judgement end. figuring if I go along with their attitude at least I won't be on the outs and they will love me for it......ummm....wrong!

It is so crazy because the most judgmental of all members of my family are people that quote the bible, go to church, have Masters degrees and even doctorates in family social sciences...... so you can't help but to ask WHAT THE HELL? LOL

So in the contemplation of telling others I have realized that I won't be telling my family. My mother and sister are the exception and everyone on my fathers side I trust their love enough to know that they would genuinely care if I was sick. But there is something that disgusts me knowing that my maternal grandmother, aunts, great aunts and uncles, cousins and second and  even third cousins on that side would either start showing love so that they don't feel guilty or just still sit in their judgement knowing that I was suffering and not reaching out, to show me how wrong I was in whatever it was they decided I did. Its been silent for a while now. After a brief moment of gushing over me last year when my knee was injured. So I know now that I cannot trust them. Not one of them. Their mental issues and insecurities reign with an iron fist. I can't put something like my life out there to see if they really love me. I already know that they do, somewhere in their black little hearts, so I have had to make peace with that and let that be enough...

and you know what?

it is.

In this time I have had to look at who I DO have. and I have a few people but they are truly genuine in their caring and have never shown otherwise, even when my own insecurities pushed them as far as I could to make sure that they were real. (Yeah I have done a LOT of growing over the years) These people are truly good hearted and kind and somehow they love me. I mean really and truly they do!

So next week I get the mammogram and the results so if this was all just a reminder of how precious life is....then I am THANKFUL. Life is precious and I see that there is an endless pool of goodness and joy out there. One must just look for it. Tune into it and you will find that it is infinite.

with that I hope I leave you with some good food for thought....where does your focus lie?


Friday, September 9, 2011

Artwork for sale!

Finally, a customer made me realize that not everyone wants a print that they can be sure that in 1000 years it will be dug up and displayed at the Louvre or some futuristic place like it!

 Most of us like to have prints that look great in detail and color to decorate our homes and make us smile as we pass them.

 So in my art shop on Etsy I have some inexpensive prints for sale! I've made sure to buy some good archival printing paper then I coat each one twice(as recommended by the manufacturer) with a UV/ Moisture protectant / preservation spray. 

 I am SO relieved. Now my struggle to part with pieces that I am in love with currently is over! I can sell prints and keep my babies a bit longer. That is until I feel that they are ready to leave. At that time I will let you all know! LOL

 I do have an original for sale now with more prints to come.... You can find it listed here...

Yes I know, I do have a thing for Little Red...and Marie Anotinette.... and Alice in Wonderland....and...and... I could go on for a year! LOL But this was one of my first Oil paintings and she came out exactly as I had felt her before I began to sketch her out. I just LOVE when that happens! A truly wonderful journey.

Inspired by my own struggle to get past "old habits" I felt this painting as I created it, when people from my past tried to interrupt the peaceful life I have worked hard to achieve. I found that now I hold all the power. I had the choice all along to allow others to interfere with my life or not. I suppose I shocked my "big bad wolf" from my past because as soon as this person saw my strength they immediately bolted from my life and have not been sighted since.

We all have the power, it is only a matter of using it.
and with that I leave you, hopefully aware of your own hidden power...go on....USE IT! ;-)


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Hail Mary

Since taking Suzi Blu's Goddess and The Poet classes I really felt a deep connection with Mary, Mother of Jesus. I feel like I really "get" why the Catholics I know cling to her and hold her sacred. I had done a piece before and explored her as the feminine aspect of God. But something just didn't feel complete...

So for the last month she came to me again in my art. I had to finish exploring a more personal side of her. Mother.

For so long I have quite noticed that in conversation and well in most aspects of my being I tend to hold on to the negative. The sad and unpleasant words and actions from others that I have experienced in my life.For so long I just couldn't figure out why I do that. Inside I felt like I didn't want negative, yet it was all I thought of or spoke of. For many years.

 In the last few conversations I have had with my mother it didn't take long before I figured out the origin of this behavior. In fact EVERY woman in my family seems to do this.

So it is true. Children grow to emulate what they see in the adults around them, whether they intend to or not. It manifests in one form or another.

The gravity of this revelation has rendered me silent. I listen closely for the echo of myself found in my children.

What gross aspect of my ancestors have I passed on inadvertently?

I am pleased to say that what I have heard gives me hope. Though not perfect, my children are open to change and took to it as soon as I could put it into place. I am mother and my actions really and truly DO speak far louder than words.

Together I think we shall change. I hope to find only positive things to tell you from now on. Not that life is pain free. But dwelling on it just attracts more of the same.

So listen up mothers, whether we like it or not, our babies are watching us. In their view we ARE the ultimate example of good and proper living, they will imitate us certainly. Please do not take this role lightly. Though we should not OBSESS over it, we ought to put good effort into the job and maybe even change this world, one thought at a time. It can be done. I am a believer.;-)

 All this was revealed to me within a months time as I worked on Mary. I like to think she guided me to this point. Though a humbling awakening it has opened the door to forgiveness for my mother. I was not aware that I hadn't truly forgiven her for some past experiences until I understood the actions speak louder than words principle that MY "Mary" taught me.;-)

For this I am forever grateful.

With the utmost humility and love,


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Hopeful prints

I have finally finished the 3 pieces that I worked on continuously for the past 6 months. I was able to photograph them in good crisp quality and so now remains the challenge of getting prints made! I am excited!

Previously I had printed my own and loved the way they came out but that printer died on us and we got a cheapie fix one that doesnt quite cut it so I am looking into local professional printers to see if they can help me.

SO i am off to research some more! Hope to be back with LOTS of prints for the Etsy shop and for you soon!



Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Quite the lucky girl am I

Well as you know I had such a fun time at the 4th annual Mad Tea Party and I met some LOVELY lovely lovely people. The most fun part is getting to see all of the wonderfully talented artists' creations out there. I tell you I walk away with at least a years worth of inspiration. Its amazing how one can truly grow just by seeing the work of another artists' hands. Its truly wonderful!!

Quite the lucky girl am I for I was lucky enough to have been chosen to receive a most wonderful work of art when the lovely and most talented Sylvia of Anaboo Creations gave away this amazing work of art during the Mad Tea Party!

Look at her eyes...Oh they have so much expression in them

The details in the face are just amazing!

Oh that smiling cat. Everyone knows who that is! I love him!

Complete with teapot! Ready for a mad tea party!

I still can't believe that I have won an Alice in wonderland totem ornament Made by Sylvia!!
It is so perfectly wonderfully made! I have been coveting her pieces since I saw them!

I have always wished to sculpt faces and make art dolls so I TRULY appreciated every little detail once I saw Alice in person!
Its just amazing isn't it? I tell you, my creative heart has been rejuvenated with this little piece. Such a wonderful thing indeed.

And my children were with me when I received this package and were present when we first gazed upon Alice and all 4 of them, even the teenagers, gasped in excitement asking so many questions after learning that Sylvia had MADE this little Alice ornament. It really inspired them which, as a mother, there is no greater gift than to see and hear the excitement of possibility in my children. It was quite moving to say the least! *wiping tear*

So go on over and get to know Sylvia at her blog! She's also on Ebay AND She has a great facebook page for Anaboo Creations as well! So go "like" it, I'm sure you won't be disappointed!

(yeah I may be stalking her a little...LOL but in a good way I promise!!!)

Thank you again SO VERY MUCH Sylvia! Alice has a permanent home with me in my painting area of the studio. I know she will be with me as I create and perhaps can give me some very good advice when I need it too!!! ;-)


Monday, July 11, 2011

Finished pieces.

They are done! I'm pretty positive that they are anyway. I've had them looking at me every day and have been adding more and more fine detail until I felt they were done.

Now they are drying and in this summers heat, its going faster than expected. I am working on getting prints made so that I might have these ladies in my Etsy shop soon!

I am in LOVE with oil paints, truly I am. Its been such a wonderful exploration. I encourage you to try something that you have been wanting to try but for whatever reason, you haven't. I tell you its simply rejuvenating!! What? Are you still here? What are you waiting for? GO! Try! Have fun!! Get on with it! ;-)



Thursday, July 7, 2011

La dee da- La dee dee- Lucky me!

Lucky lucky LUCKY me for I have won some fabulous treasures! Yes I was in the right place at the right time for a change and WOW did I ever get a wondrous treasure!

Today I got home from yet another fun session at the gym (darn cake and its wonderfulness) and to my delight were two packages addressed to ME!!!

Inside of them were these lovely creations that I was lucky enough to win from the most talented and very kind spirit Lauren of Fair Rosamund!

Look at the generous eye candy that she gave away during this years Mad Tea Party!!

Gorgeous! How ever did I get so Lucky??? The print entitled "Alice in the Forest" is just beautiful!!

What cute and dainty little toadstools!! I know I will be using them again at the next Mad Tea Party!

These cards are just LOVELY! I must send nothing but loving and kind words on these beauties!

I am truly inspired! I LOVE others artwork, but my budget doesn't yet allow me to collect the pieces I admire. So I am just beyond thrilled to have these pieces in my hands! A wish come true! ;-)

"La dee da- La dee dee... lucky me" I shall sing it all day today, much to sadness of everyone's ears, but nonetheless I will always look at this beautiful print and smile and sing! ;-)

Thank you Lauren!

And for those of you reading this that have NOT seen Laurens work please head on over to her Etsy shop now by clicking HERE and I can tell you that you will NOT be disappointed! Its even more lovely in person than it is in those gorgeous photos!..... I know, I couldn't believe it either!!

With that I am off to play with my goodies and find a good place to display them in my newly painted studio!



Wednesday, July 6, 2011

How to make a deck of cards banner...

Today I will show you how to make a deck of cards banner that I made for my daughters "Alice In Wonderland" themed birthday tea party last year. We have gotten lots of use out of it since. We have had many tea parties and its so simple to just pin it up and make everything look more festive in minutes!

You can see it here at our last Mad Tea Party Post.
I hope you have your supplies handy that I put on my last post, if you need a refresher here it is:
  • cheap deck of cards- I got mine at the local Dollar Tree. Two pack for a buck! LOVE that store!
  • sewing machine
  • thread
  • hot glue gun

Here are some photos as we go...ready? Set? GO!

The supplies.

Make sure you pull ample amount of thread out before you start stitching as this is used to hang the banner when you are done!

I just used a regular universal needle in a regular straight stitch setting and started sewing!

As you get to the end of the card you just get another card ready and you can overlap or leave a tiny space in between each card if you want them to spin in a mobile fashion.

and I like to put them in different angles as if they are falling....like when Alice awoke to the deck of cards falling on her after going through the looking glass.

Now for extra fun get your glue gun and place globs on the end and then put the corner of another card on it, giving this banner more of a "falling" look to it.

and that's it! Get creative! Maybe use only the hearts of a few decks! There are endless possibilities! I hope you get much use out of this fun banner as we do!

Happy Tea partying!


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Thank You!

Thank you THANK YOU all that joined me for the 4th annual mad tea party!
I really love this event, it restores my faith in humanity and brings back all those warm and fuzzy feelings about blogging and how much I love people that do!

Thank You!!!

Many of you liked my hanging cards in my post Pictured here:

The good news is I MADE THAT! And you can too! I'll show ya!

And though currently I am in the middle of painting and rearranging my sewing room/washroom I will make a quick tutorial for you this week! Its super easy and fun.

Here's what you will need:

  • cheap deck of cards- I got mine at the local Dollar Tree. Two pack for a buck! LOVE that store!
  • sewing machine
  • thread
  • hot glue gun
Ok Well I'll let you gather those things and meet you back here tomorrow!

Yay! I love making things I really and truly do!

see ya real soon!


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Mad Tea Partying 2011!!

One very enchanting evening I stepped out in my own backyard and was surprised to see beautiful lights under my apricot tree....

I began to get closer as the sounds and smells were just absolutely lovely! Something wonderful was taking place!

"OH! Hello! We've been expecting you"

"Yes we have!" Exclaimed the Hatter

I couldn't speak. There were so many enchanting treats about!

"You've been waiting for me?" I asked

"You've had a Birthday" Said the little girl.

"Which means you've probably forgotten us" added the Hatter

Forgotten you?" I asked "But I do not know you, do I?" as I eyed the most delicious looking cupcakes...

"Oh you know us" they chimed in unison...

"You've been here before" added the Hatter

"We've come to remind you" said the little girl as she sipped her tea

"Remind me of what?" I demanded

I felt as if I was in a dream! What did this curious pair mean?

Suddenly the both began to speak in unison..."Remember to always eat the last cupcake....."

"Never forget to never EVER stop imagining and dreaming...."

"and above all,....."

"you must ALWAYS....."


"always, every single day..."

"Make time...."




Thanks for joining me on this, the most lovely day, the 2011 Mad Tea Party Hosted by the lovely Vanessa Valencia of A fanciful Twist!

A HUGE Thank you to my two youngest daughters for playing along with me again for this day! We had the most fun last year you can click here to see that too if you like!

Also thank you Miss V for hosting such a fun and inspiring event
And a heartfelt thanks to YOU for making time for tea with me!!


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