Saturday, March 10, 2012

A peek down the rabbit hole...

Here goes my slight obsession with Alice In Wonderland again.... here is what I got so far... I just love her.

I have been thinking.... and I think that my relation to Alice is due to my families dysfunctional dynamic.

Been dealing with them a bit more than I'd like, due to my Grandmother moving to my city to live with an aunt that hasn't spoken to me in 3 years due to whatever thought or paranoia took place in her own mind. Lets sum it up....The difference was, for the first time in my life, when I saw her putting up the "hoops" for me to jump through so that I can prove that I love her. I didn't jump. I'm tired. I have my own family that I cannot make jump with me anymore. Its wearing on them too. So she'll have to find love somewhere else OR accept that I love her and I shouldn't have to prove it by doing whatever unreasonable thing she demands.

The down side.

Other family members are still jumping. And at my aunts request, they MUST JUMP ALL OVER ME......ugh.

 Its all rather disgusting.

You see my youngest aunts are twins. Twins of which were born under the sign of Gemini (if you follow astrology you understand this next part very well) And on these twins' 10th birthday I was born, premature at that, mind you. Becoming their first niece and the first grandchild to their mother....

 So without further explanation it seems my birth was a bit inconvenient for them.

This all has been so far away from my life that its been hard lately to remember this sick dynamic, since I want to see my grandma I have to go get her from my once again I am at her mercy. And her twin is just a literal reflection of her so you can gather that conclusion.
  Then they "friended" me on facebook. Then the one in town Unfriended me. Then got the rest of the family that listens to her to ignore me. Which is all very disappointing because I have been working hard to maintain relationships for YEARS now with certain family. Calling, writing and making the effort to show I care and then in one fell swoop- I'm back to being the 'difficult one' and being quite purposefully ignored all because of one bad apple...sheesh. I feel like I'm back in high school.

 So there, In a nutshell, I relate to Alice in Wonderland because in my family nothing is what it seems and though there are good parts its all very confusing at a times.

 On the bright side, I've made my personal and sad discovery into a beautiful piece of art! I tell you looking at her makes me feel like If Alice can get through it so can I and I am re-energized!

Its just wonderful. What art can do.


on that note I leave you...because Im feeling like having an unbirthday celebration of sorts.... will you, won't you, will you, won't you, join me?


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