Friday, February 21, 2014

365 Days of Art & Healing

So I have challenged myself to 365 days of art....sometime back in December and I have been showing my progress on Instagram and have found that LOTS of artists out there have also done the same for this new year!  I am in Instagram heaven! lol

      So here are the two pieces that I have just completed this week...

 The first is a whimsical story of a girl with unusual but trustworthy friends....

 Here is the progression....

 Here she is complete....

 Oh I just love her. I want my work to inspire stories, wonderful, whimsical stories! I have been told that I should be a book illustrator. I don't know how I would fare in that field, since, when I sit down to paint something it SELDOM comes out as what I had planned. It evolves. It almost tells me as I go what it wants to be.
     Maybe someday I will gain more control over that but for now it is what it wants to be and I think its wonderful!

      And here is another, more personal, and a bit dark of a piece. but I LOVE IT. IT tells a tale...

                                                           At first, as I painted I thought of young girls, to represent innocence, vulnerability... etc. Ready to give up their hearts, offering it even, so desperate to make someone see the value in their hearts... I see myself in these I see my sister and I at one time in our lives, I see my mother in these girls.
   But I did the unthinkable, as an artist, born to see the truth in people, dying to paint it. I showed my work to my family. Proud as I was of this finished piece. So much relief and tension was released upon these brushstrokes. I thought I could see any kind of meaning in this piece and was glad that it was so diverse and spoke for so much in my life..... But to my surprise, when blood relatives took one looke at it, they saw another tale...  
A personal and very TRUE tale....

So this turned out to be more art THERAPY than anything. 

You see I had the most unfortunate luck to have been born a month early.....

 Which just happened to fall on a pair of twins 10th birthday.
These twins were my grandmothers youngest children and I was her very first grandchild.
Though my grandmother was a wonderful and nearly perfect grandmother to me, she wasn't much of a mother before that.
I mean it wasn't all her fault. Grandma had been orphaned when she was just 2 years old and grew up in a home or from relatives homes to another relatives home until her sister was old enough to have her come live with her at which time, not long after, they married her off to a nice young man in the church. Then came babies and no natural instincts came with them. Well she fed them and kept them clean but everything else was made up as she went along.

So not idyllic to say the least, these two twins were left with black holes for hearts. Demanding donations of love from every place and every one but nothing ever quite fills the void.

Then there was me. Stealing their birthday AND their mother.... the nerve.

*smiles huge*

So as you can imagine, this was a painful road being born into such a tangled web, but here I am and I am NOT sorry. I am glad for everything that has made me who I am. I am also glad that I have let go of the feeling that I owe any offerings to the sad twin black holes anymore.

I no longer feel responsible.

I am nearing 40 years of age now...




 Until next time I leave you with these songs that inspire much.... including bringing me back in time. A time when I actually let people make me feel less than worthy of goodness and love. A time that I sought so much approval from those that would never give it and listened and heeded to every word they said as if they would guide me wisely out of love or even out of at least respect .... Yeah I can hardly believe that I was ever that girl once... but I was and there is some art that wants to be made because of it.
   And each time I hear this song....

Yeah....each time I listen to the words of this song I remember. I remember when my girlish dreams died and suddenly my grown up self found quite a pit to get myself out of, and had only myself to be held accountable....

 I remember a time when I "woke up" in the midst of the terrible bed I had made myself and was determined to lie in it and then suddenly something said "YOU CAN DO BETTER!" and so I did.

 Oh that was ages ago it seems. I can't begin to tell you how much has changed. But I am glad that it did.

 So I am not sure if this will be a painting or a photograph. Since I am also a photographer and am just now falling in love with the world of fine art and fantasy photography, but I have some images in mind that this song brings up.... not sure if it will do it justice in paint or in print. Perhaps I will do both!

There is no wrong way to make art.

Until we meet again,


No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts with Thumbnails